When change is hard

KONICA MINOLTA DIGITAL CAMERAEven though we may have a broad goal like losing weight, being healthier, living happier etc, we are in different phases of change and acceptance for the sub-components that make up those goals. For instance, losing weight requires changes in several different areas, from what we eat, to how we work out, to how much sleep we are getting and what our stress is like at work. It might be impacted by things like social situations and alcohol, or binge eating. We may accept that some of these areas will require change more readily than others; and yet, in certain areas we are still very resistant to change. Sometimes the biggest challenge is not in powering through those areas we feel resistant about, but rather learning how to acknowledge, accept and empathize with the resistance as a part of our current experience.

Most of our dissatisfaction with our current situation arises from comparing where we are in the present moment to where we were in the past, or where we want to be in the future. This is a natural way of thinking for the mind. It sacrifices present moment awareness in order to re-evaluate the past, or try and predict the future. The thing is, there is no such thing as the past or future. These are just linear constructs we use to understand the relevance of our current position in space and time. But while our current situation in some ways depended on our past to get us here, in actuality, it was just millions of tiny present moments strung together. The only thing that got you to where you are now, is where you are now. The only thing getting you to where you want to go, is where you are now. The only “you” that ever has been in existence, is the you that exists in the present moment.
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Learning to accept our entire experience for where we are in the present moment, as it relates to larger goals we have set for ourselves, is the biggest challenge. Its easy to set a lofty outcome goal, and then fail because we don’t understand the process to get there. It’s even easier to fail when we don’t allow for resistance or ambivalence as a natural part of the process. When you feel a part of yourself push back against a change you want to make, gently observe with empathy and love. Understand that the resistance is related to underlying feelings and needs that are begging to be addressed. Start exploring the deeper issues without needing any particular outcome of the exploration. What you learn might be the exact missing link you needed to taking that giant leap forward towards your goals.



Converting Distress into Eustress

Distress needs no introduction to most of you. You see that word, and right away images come to mind of what your particular distress is. Maybe its being stuck in an awkward conversation with someone you hardly know, with your cheeks aching from that fake smile. Maybe its feeling trapped in your home, with toddlers who won’t eat their lunch or listen to anything you say. Maybe its being stuck in traffic, on the one day you were able to leave work early to hopefully catch a yoga class.  We all know distress really well, and the consensus opinion is we could use a lot less of it if we want to live longer and healthier lives.

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Eustress, on the other hand, is a word many of you may be unfamiliar with. This is described as “good” stress, the kind that challenges us and motivates us to grow. It’s the type of stress we feel when we sign up for an athletic event, giddy with anticipation for what we will achieve. It’s being promoted at work, knowing that the responsibilities will be greater, but so will be the rewards. Or its finally taking the time to write the novel you have always wanted to write, for better or for worse. Experiencing eustress is what cultivates many positive traits that contribute to longer and healthier lives.

Now, here’s something that will surprise you… Your body can’t tell the difference between distress and eustress on its own. They are both stress. Your body will likely go through the same stress response in both scenarios, whether its an increased heart rate and respiratory rate, dilated pupils or increased circulation to your extremities. Your body is preparing to handle the stress, no matter what form that is. What is it then, that determines whether a stress is distress, or eustress?

It’s your mind. Your perception. How you view a stress ultimately determines whether that stress will fall into the distress versus the eustress category. If you see the stress as a threat, your body will kick into survival mode and divert its resources to either fight or flee from the stress. We can agree that this type of response, when chronic, ultimately leads to poor health outcomes. On the other hand, when we view stress as a challenge that we are fully equipped to handle, we may experience some of the same physiologic changes, but we no longer need to engage the fight or flight system. Instead, we activate the parts of ourselves that see deeper than the surface, into the meaning behind the stress. We see the potential for learning and growth. We know we have a unique opportunity to experience the rich complexities of life, and we look forward to the challenge, unafraid. The main difference between the negative or positive effects of stress comes down to your own perception.

I won’t try to convince you that being stuck in an akward conversation, or soothing a fussy child, or sitting in traffic, isn’t stressful. These scenarios definitely have components to them we can all identify as negative. The challenge is to find meaning in each one of those scenarios, and recognizing that each distressful situation offers us an opportunity to evolve our views. We won’t be able to do this all the time, but we must commit to trying to do it as often as possible. Chances are that when you are in that awkward conversation, you will relax and potentially discover something interesting and genuine about the person you are talking to. Or that your calm presence will aid in ending the tantrum thrown by your angry toddler. Or that when you are stuck in traffic, you will use that time that you have to yourself to reflect on life, listen to a radio program, or sing out loud to your favorite song.

When you encounter a stress, no one else but YOU has the power to decide how it will affect your body. It can either be an accumulating negative force on your body leading you to various chronic illnesses, or a momentary challenge activating you to rise up and find a deeper meaning.

Your body is prepared to meet every challenge that comes your way. Why not in turn help your body by shifting your perspective of stress. By learning how to convert distress into eustress, you no longer have to stress about all the stress! Just find even a little deeper meaning behind your challenges and you will be well on your way to living a longer, healthier life.